Lessons From a Hummingbird

I'm standing in the kitchen washing chicken off of my hands.

I'm calculating in my head exactly how many minute the whole chicken needs to cook if it weighs 4.89 lbs and cooks at 20 minutes a pound. I'm also trying to figure out what time I'll need to start the potatoes to have them done at exactly the same time as the chicken. The rolls and the green beans need to be started 1o minutes before all of that has to be done. Table setting should begin 5 minutes before the meal is done if I do it myself, or 20 minutes before the meal is done if I delegate it to one of the kids or my husband.

I like to call these moments, mommy word problems.

They make my head hurt.

I manage to wash the last of the chicken residue from my hands and glance up to see a hummingbird, just outside my kitchen window, having dinner in my neighbor's flowers.

It's been a long time since I've seen a hummingbird. They seem to move just as quickly as I do, but we're never in the same place a the same time. So I watch the tiny creature gathering nectar and think about how much effort it puts forth to get a meal.

Hummingbirds have to beat their wings 70 times a second to hover and drink their dinner.

The other thing about hummingbirds is that they only spend about 15 percent of their day flying around eating. They spend the other 85 percent perching and digesting what they worked so hard to get.

Hummingbirds give all their effort to the most important part of their day, and spend the rest of the time enjoying the fruits of their labors.

They are the ultimate prioritizers, and this little one was sent to teach me a lesson.

I will never be done with my to-do list.

I hate to break it to me...but it's true.

And although I'll never be done with the things on my list, there are things that I will be done with one day, precious things that I can't imagine being without.

The perpetual questions of a seven-year-old little boy. Brushing and braiding my daughter's soft brown hair. Reading Good Night Moon for the thousandth time in a row to a captive audience. "Tuck me in tighter" whispered to me late at night. Notes that read, "I love Mac and Cheese and Mommy." Elmo. Dora. Justice League. Dolls. One last kiss before bedtime.

And although, he didn't stay long enough for me to get him in the picture, I got the gist of the lesson, taught by my friend the hummingbird.

And I promise to spend some time enjoying the nectar in my life.

So Here's the Truth... (Well Most of It)

If you've wondered why I reappeared from my bloggy vacation only to disappear again for long periods of time, you're not alone.

I've been disappearing from all the things I love and all of my responsibilities lately.

The truth is, my health has gone way downhill over the last four weeks, and we're not sure what's wrong yet.

I've always been healthy as a horse...(or some other description that doesn't make me feel like a large dumb animal.)

Despite my overwhelming good health in the past, things aren't okay right now. And it will likely be another week before I know exactly why. I'm hoping they don't diagnose hypochondria. That will be very embarrassing.

As a slight side note, have I mentioned that I'm not good with doctors? Have I stressed enough to you that I detest asking for help for things I think should come easily to me? Do you know by now that admitting I'm not "up to a challenge" is not part of my vocabulary?

---end of side note---

I apologize for being vague about this. I detest vagueness, especially in myself.

Anyway, I'm having to take it easy for a little while, while I figure out what's going on. As soon as I know, you'll know. Well, actually, you'll probably know a little after I do, but not too much after. Even if it's hypochondria. I'll need your pity then, more than ever.

In the meantime, be patient with me, if I don't get back with you right away, leave my usually engaging comments on your posts, or let a few days go by without posting.

Here's to being back to normal, lickety-split.

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Mentally-Challenged Stuffed Animals

*I'd like to preface this post by stating that I'm striving diligently to raise my children with an awareness of the differences and diversity that make our world such an amazing place to live. I fall short sometimes. That's why I'm not the World's Greatest Mommy. Feel free to continue reading at your own risk.

My kids are Webkinz obsessed. We've got a wide collection of virtual bunnies, dogs, turtles, pandas, snakes, etc. My children do their homework so that they can spend time with their virtual pets. I encourage this, because I'm not a fan of real pets. They require effort by me, and I'm all effort-ed out most days.

A few nights ago, my husband did me a favor by tucking all the children in to bed. Bal was cradling his Webkinz lizard in his arms gently. His face was serious and concerned.

"Dad, this Webkinz is retarded," he told his father quietly and matter-of-factly.

My husband had no blessed idea what to say. He stared at Bal for a minute before responding.

"What?"

Bal answered insistently, "This Webkinz is retarded, so I have to take care of him." His hands reached down to gently stroke his little pet lizard.

Torn between correcting Bal's political correctness, wondering where his son would have heard that term used, and marveling at the sweetness displayed to the stuffed animal, my husband said nothing.

Bal continued, "Not just that, but the raccoon that Jare wanted is retarded too."

Finally finding words my husband asked, "The toys are retarded?"

Bal was a little impatient as he explained, "Yes daddy. Retarded...You can't get them anymore. That's why we have to take good care of them."

Understanding and relief dawned on my husband's face. "Oh, retired. The lizard and raccoon are retired."

Bal nodded his head and went to sleep with his lizard.

And although there aren't any mentally challenged Webkinz in our home that I know of, it's nice to know that everybody is welcome here.

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Liking The Skin You're In

Jare has always been a beautiful kid. As a baby, he had giant eyes and a perfectly round head. He smiled at anyone and everyone. He snuggled with anyone and everyone. People frequently tried to take him home with them. I loved that he seemed to combine all the best parts of my husband and myself. I was a little vain about his baby cuteness, but he was my first and I was/still am smitten with that kid.

When Jare was about 4 years old, he started developing strange white spots on his body. It looked like someone had erased the color of his skin on those spots. It started on his neck. Then there were spots on his waistline. Next his kneecaps started losing color.

I was beside myself with worry. His pediatrician referred us to a dermatologist. The dermatologist confirmed what I'd suspected thanks to every symptom checker known to the Internet.

Vitiligo.

No known way to cure it for sure. No guarantee that it wouldn't spread. No real reason for why it happened. No serious damage to him, just a need to protect those white spots which had no natural protection against the sun.

Hand a mom a diagnosis like that and watch her fall apart. What do you mean this cream may or may not help? What do you mean you have no flipping idea why this happened to my beautiful, smart, future President of the United States? Do you even have a license to practice medicine?

Meanwhile, Jare thought the white spots on his skin made him interesting. He said they made him unique. And I bit my tongue and worried about what would happen when other kids started to notice. How long would it take to reduce this confident, self-assured little boy into the target of a bully?

It took almost seven years.

Last week as I held my son in my arms after his first day of teasing over the visible spots on his neck, I just didn't know how to answer his only real question.

"I like my skin. It's just the way I am. Why don't they like it?"

• Because they're jealous.
  
• Because they want to pull you down.
• Because they like to hurt people.
• Because the world is full of meanness, baby.

But I didn't say any of that. I just told him that they were wrong. I told him that they didn't understand. I told him he was the most handsome kid in the world. I told him he was the most giving, amazing, great thing that had ever happened to our family. I promised him that other people would see that too, someday. I told him that the world would know.

And so I've got some news for you, world. That kid is amazing. And if you'll give him the chance...if you'll keep him from getting trodden down before he even has a chance to make it to adulthood...he'll have something amazing to give back to you. All children have something to give. It's brewing right now, deep inside of them. The potential to change you into something better.

Let that grow. Let it develop. Hold at bay the lessons and pains they won't be able to come back from. Give them a chance to show you. I promise it will be worth the wait.

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12 Ways To Make Mornings Great For Your Child

You're dropping your kids off at school and watching as they walk in to a place where nobody knows how amazing they really are...and you won't be there to tell everyone. Here are 12 easy ways to get them ready to walk into that school with confidence and a smile.

1. Wake them up with a smile. It's not easy, but make sure you are waking them up early enough that they can get started without yelling and cajoling. I sing "Good Morning Merry Sunshine" just like my mom did. Then I yell out, "Rise and shine my little muffins", like my dad always did. I've turned into my parents (but that's another post). My husband plays the Overture to 1812. Whatever helps them smile a little as they wake up.
2. Make breakfast great. Cold cereal is easy, and I use it a lot. But I try to pair cold cereal with fresh fruit, or toast. I've been buying frozen breakfast items, but I found a recipe for freezable french toast that I'm going to use to change things up and save my grocery budget.
3. Have things ready to go. The night before the kids get all of their stuff ready. Bal figured out a way to make it silly, by arranging his clothes, socks and shoes so that it looks like a flat person. It's the little things in life for my kids.
4. Have soothing background music. On days when things are hectic, and I can feel the tension of the spelling test in the air, I put on some calming classical music to help diffuse the atmosphere. My fave is Copland, but Debussy is great too.
   
5. Hide a note for them. My favorite places include the bathroom mirror, the lunch box, clothing or coat pockets, around their toothbrush or hairbrush, on the windshield of the van, or on the front door. Sometimes I include coupons for fun things to do after school. Wii time is always a hit, since I don't allow it very often during the week.
   
6. Include something special in their lunch. If I put a few strawberries in my kids' lunches, they are thrilled. We love strawberries, and Kool-aid Jammers. Either one will work.
7. Give small gifts. For my daughter, sometimes I'll include a new barrette or scrunchie next to her hairbrush. It's an inexpensive surprise to occasionally include, and it makes her feel great to have something new to wear. I've also done stickers, Frisbees, notepads, and pencils. I love that I can hand the kids .25 on their way out the car door and know that they get to use the amazingly popular pencil machine in the school. (Seriously, I think that is its name.)
   
8. Smile. So getting ready in the mornings isn't always fun. I usually have to wake up before my kids so that I can get my attitude adjusted before I try to adjust theirs. Smiling goes a long way to helping them get a great start. And if you can smile when your first grader has misplaced their backpack for the seventh straight day...you've proven your status as Supermom.
9. Pray together. If you believe in the power of prayer, take time to pray together each morning as a family. There is such strength in kneeling together with your children and thanking your Father in heaven for your blessing and asking him to bless you with the things that you need. That strength is something you and your children will need to navigate their way in the world for the day.
10. Sing. We have a song that we sing as we're pulling out of the driveway every day for school. It's Great Day by Paul McCartney, but we changed up the lyrics a little bit. Each person gets a chance to come up with a rhyming verse. In between the verses we all sing "It's gonna be a great day, yeah." Our verses are silly, "When you see a giraffe, ask for it's autograph. It's gonna be a great day, yeah." But it leaves us all with a smile at drop-off time.
11. Kiss, hug, or shake hands. A quick peck on the cheek or a squeeze of the hand is a gift to your child. My kids have "secret handshakes" that they created with their dad. They are fairly elaborate. Boose's even includes a twirl and a dip. Bal and I created a code where we can say how much we love each other by squeezing the other's hands. Three quick consecutive squeezes means "I love you." Eight squeezes is "I love you more than you love me." Twelve squeezes is "I love you infinity times infinity."
    
12. Say the words. I love you. It's simple to say. But I always say it. I want them to know. It's a tiny seed that I plant each day in their hearts. I want them to know when everything else goes wrong, when nothing seems right, that I love them. I know that it helps, because their answering "Love you too, Mommy" lifts me up all day long, too.

So, your turn. How do you make the morning routine a happy positive one for your kids? Tips to share? I can't wait to hear your wisdom.

***I'm back from my bloggy vacation, and I missed you guys terribly. I'll be crafting a post, spilling the secrets of the universe I learned while on vacation, and I did pick up a couple of souvenirs for you guys. Mostly, I'm just happy to be back and eager to catch up.