Hypothesis: Science Fair = Headache

I've known it was coming for awhile now. I've waited in anticipation for the giant packet with tons of ideas, all the rules, and signature forms to come home.

I used to like Science Fairs. I even won a few. But now I dread them, because my children don't pick normal topics for their science fair projects. They pick impossible, expensive projects that only make sense in remote worlds that have as of yet been undiscovered.

But, I was prepared. I'd carefully created a list of a few projects for each kid that appealed to their interests and would actually be possible.

Two of the three participants took the bait and found a reasonable project that they could be excited about, and that wouldn't require me to solicit third world countries for project supplies.

But not Jare...

He already had an idea of what he wanted to do, and since I'm a sucker for communicating with my children, I let him explain...

Jare: (excited and animated with the possibilities of scientific discovery) You know how I've always been interested in how we can prevent pollution?

Me: (wary from years of science projects that involve chemicals, power tools, or sometimes both) Yes...

Jare: I was thinking that I would create a magnetic strip that could be placed under the ground.

Me: (headache beginning) Uh huh...

Jare: Then I would attach a separate magnet to a special pair of shoes. Then when people stepped on the strip, they could travel by magnet and they wouldn't need cars. We could stop pollution and get more exercise.

Me: (trying to squelch all scientific creativity out of him) Jare, I just don't think we have enough time to dig up a section of road and lay giant magnets under it, let alone manufacture special magnetic shoes.

Jare: (not in the slightest way squelched) We wouldn't have to, we could just lay the magnet on top of the road, and we'd attach the other magnet to a pair of shoes I already have.

Me: (still attempting to squelch) Jare, I just don't think that magnets are going to help people get to places quickly, son. Magnets don't really move things.

Jare: Well that's why we'd also need to add rockets.

(Short silence where I attempt to figure out what to say.)

Me: Well son, it's a great idea, but I just don't think I can afford giant magnets right now... Or rockets.

And with that one statement, scientific thought was squelched, the road outside our house was saved from demolition, and the world lost out on an incredibly creative fix for pollution.

How Do Dinosaurs Eat Their Food...Ad Nauseam

We have a book. It's actually a very cute book about dinosaurs. I love the author, Jane Yolen, and we have several of the books in the dinosaur series.

Baby loves the book, too. It's her favorite. After each page asks a question about how dinosaurs eat their food, she'll say "Noooooo!" and laugh. At the end of the book, we learn how dinosaurs (and children) should eat their food, and she smiles and nods her head yes as each page goes by. When we get to the end of the book, she says, "All done. Thank you, Mama."

At this point, I feel like a very blessed mom. She's not even two yet, and she loves books. She interacts in a very sweet way with the stories that she loves, and I get to snuggle on the couch with her and introduce her to the world opened up by these wonderful tales.

But...

She comes back one minute later and wants me to read the same book again. So I do. And...
She comes back one minute later and wants me to read the same book again. So I do. And...
She comes back one minute later and wants me to read the same book again. So I do. And...
She comes back one minute later and wants me to read the same book again. So I do. And...
She comes back one minute later and wants me to read the same book again. So I do. And...
She comes back one minute later and wants me to read the same book again. So I do. And...

This continues for a while.

Now, I know that I could say no and refuse to read a book to my child, forever keeping myself out of the running for world's greatest mommy, but I can't. She's really cute. And when I say, "Let's pick a different book", she gets the saddest most hurt look on her face. Like I've destroyed her love of literature.

So instead, I hid the book. Childish, I know, but really, what are my options here? So today, we made it through the whole morning without having to read that story once. And then she brought me,
How Do Dinosaurs Go To School.

It's going to be a long afternoon.

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Washing Dishes Without a Dishwasher?

Last night we had quite a bit of company to celebrate my birthday. We had a wonderful time, but at the end of the night our kitchen sink was full of dishes and when we went to place them in the dishwasher, we realized that we were out of automatic dishwasher detergent. It was already 1 am and neither myself, nor my husband, the teacher, were in any mood to go to the grocery store for dishwasher detergent.

Me: Well, I guess we'll just have to get some in the morning.

Him: It's going to stink because we'll need to get up early enough to go to the store, wash all the dishes, and make breakfast for the kids by a decent time.

Me: I guess we could always wash them ourselves.

Him: What do you mean?

Me: We could hand wash the dishes. We've got plenty of regular dish soap

Him: Hand wash the dishes? Ourselves? What are we animals?


We both laughed as we realize just how spoiled we really are.

On Turning 30

In exactly 10 minutes, I will be thirty and everything in my whole life will change, at least a little.

In exactly 9 minutes I will have to move from the 20-29 age group into the 30-39 age group when polled for surveys.

In exactly 8 minutes I will be infinitely closer to being middle aged than I will to be being young.

In exactly 7 minutes I will say goodbye to a decade where I got married, became a mother, received a college degree, and learned to earn a living from writing. I'm a little scared that the next decade won't be able to measure up at all.

In exactly 6 minutes I'll be thirty and I'll be on the downward slope to where I really look my age, and cosmetic surgery begins to look less like torture, and more like good sense.

In exactly 5 minutes, there will be no turning back from the fact that I'm a grown up. I'll have to stop doing silly things like playing video games, listening to Paula Abdul songs, and doing the Running Man in my living room when nobody is looking.

In exactly 4 minutes, the 30th anniversary of my birth will be here and I won't be able to take it back. I can tell people I'm still 29, but then I'll seem like one of those sad older ladies who cherishes the past much more than what the future can offer. Does anyone know what the future will offer? It would be nice to have even the slightest hint.

In exactly 3 minutes, a ton of the goals I set when I was 18 that were supposed to be achieved by the time I was 30 will be impossible to achieve. On the plus side, however, my 18 year old self really didn't have a clue as to what would make the 30 year-old me happy.

In exactly 2 minutes, I'll start celebrating a birthday that I've been dreading for several years. I'll be faced with a choice of being grateful for my life and these birthdays, or sullen and depressed because I've been given 30+ years of learning, loving, and living.

In exactly 1 minute it will be here and my car insurance rates will go down, my life insurance rates will go up. My health screening will become increasingly more important, and the development of crows feet, wrinkles, and laugh lines will be imminent.

And now, I'm thirty.

It feels familiar. I still feel like me. I'm able to feel blessed, and at the same time, a little sad. I'm not the girl I once was. And though most of me realizes that I'm much more than she ever was, I miss her a little. She was a lot of fun.

But the 30-year-old me? Well, she rocks. She juggles way more than I give her credit for, and she does it, occasionally, with incredible class and humor. She's incredibly grateful for her blessings and willing to admit to her successes and failures freely. She laughs a lot when the situation calls for humor, cries when things need to be cried at, and feels deeply when feelings are needed. She's pretty awesome.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I think this calls for some Paula Abdul and my rockin' Running Man moves.