Jare has always been a beautiful kid. As a baby, he had giant eyes and a perfectly round head. He smiled at anyone and everyone. He snuggled with anyone and everyone. People frequently tried to take him home with them. I loved that he seemed to combine all the best parts of my husband and myself. I was a little vain about his baby cuteness, but he was my first and I was/still am smitten with that kid.
When Jare was about 4 years old, he started developing strange white spots on his body. It looked like someone had erased the color of his skin on those spots. It started on his neck. Then there were spots on his waistline. Next his kneecaps started losing color.
I was beside myself with worry. His pediatrician referred us to a dermatologist. The dermatologist confirmed what I'd suspected thanks to every symptom checker known to the Internet.
Vitiligo.
No known way to cure it for sure. No guarantee that it wouldn't spread. No real reason for why it happened. No serious damage to him, just a need to protect those white spots which had no natural protection against the sun.
Hand a mom a diagnosis like that and watch her fall apart. What do you mean this cream may or may not help? What do you mean you have no flipping idea why this happened to my beautiful, smart, future President of the United States? Do you even have a license to practice medicine?
Meanwhile, Jare thought the white spots on his skin made him interesting. He said they made him unique. And I bit my tongue and worried about what would happen when other kids started to notice. How long would it take to reduce this confident, self-assured little boy into the target of a bully?
It took almost seven years.
Last week as I held my son in my arms after his first day of teasing over the visible spots on his neck, I just didn't know how to answer his only real question.
"I like my skin. It's just the way I am. Why don't they like it?"
- Because they're jealous.
- Because they want to pull you down.
- Because they like to hurt people.
- Because the world is full of meanness, baby.
And so I've got some news for you, world. That kid is amazing. And if you'll give him the chance...if you'll keep him from getting trodden down before he even has a chance to make it to adulthood...he'll have something amazing to give back to you. All children have something to give. It's brewing right now, deep inside of them. The potential to change you into something better.
Let that grow. Let it develop. Hold at bay the lessons and pains they won't be able to come back from. Give them a chance to show you. I promise it will be worth the wait.
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14 comments:
It hurts doesn't it? I understand where you are coming from and I am dreading the day when my son or daughter come home with the same hurt feelings. The helplessness. It hasn't even happened yet, but I already feel it like an on coming train with no brakes.
All you can do is prepare them for it. Brace them. Let them know what is around the corner so that they aren't surprised. Have them mentally prepared for the battle. It sounds silly to talk this way about a 3 year old and 6 year old, but it is a hard and unforgiving world out there.
Amen. I am tearing up.
You were destined to be that boy's Momma. Because you are both awesome!
What a heart wrenching post. I fear those days are around the corner. Great advice from a great Mommy!
Children can be so cruel. You are doing a great job of keeping his spirit up. He is a handsome boy, no matter what they say! Someday, hopefully they will understand.
Your son and children like him are the reason I share my stories of being bullied with my students...my hope is that they will be more open to talk with me and amongst themselves about how hurtful teasing can be and the reasons people tease.
Give your little guy a hug for me.
This post hit home with me. I could completely relate. My daughter has had eczema all over her body since she was 15 months old. In the summer, she tans around the patches, giving her a very spotted, mottled look. She's only five, but like you, I am dreading the day when the teasing will come. I try and keep things in perspective though. It's not a life-threatening condition. She's healthy in every other way. The teasing will, no doubt, break my heart. But, in the scheme of things, life's still pretty darn good. :)
How interesting. I have learned that my 'spots', as hard as they are to cover up, have made me an idividual. Jare will overcome. He is an amazing kid who seems far advanced beyond his age. Maybe we will be a futur president...
Oh, sweet, sweet boy. My eyes teared up too. I'm glad he loves himself, no matter what others say. Reinforce that as much as you can!
You wrote from your heart, too. It touched me, as most of your posts do!
I admire you so much for who and how you are with your children. I enjoy your blog so much even though my children are grown and I am a grandma.
Our differences, no matter what they are, make each one of us unique. Jare will go on to teach many lessons to others and I'm just betting his difference will make him an even more beautiful person as an adult.
This made me cry. I wish we could protect our children from everything. I wish their was some sort of magic potion we could give them that would make them immune to having their feelings hurt. Darn!
What a beautifully written post! It's so hard to see our children suffer and go through this type of pain. I think you handled the situation amazingly well! And you are obviously a remarkable mother for teaching your child to love himself so deeply.
Oh man! Kids can be so cruel. I face it with Savanna's speech, and it has caused her to not make friends and be very introverted and shy. I love what your little guy said though..."I like my skin why don't they?"...it shows what a good job you have done reinforcing his awesomeness!
My youngest has several spots as well. The Dr. won't diagnose anything though.
It seems silly that kids learn so young how to lift themselves up & tear others down.
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